Old Year to New Year in the blink of an eye

All it takes to erase the goings on of an entire year seems to be a night out with friends, a kiss at midnight, and a dropping ball. 

Ah, if only that were true. And yet, many people believe in the sanctity of "New Year, New Me". I began this very blog last year, as a resolution of sorts. I believed it would be cathartic to get feelings, thoughts and wonderings out on "paper". It has done that, and also provided me with many laughs and memories. But it hasn't "changed me" as many people-I am sure-believe that resolutions will do. You have to want it, need it and seriously work at it. 

And change doesn't happen overnight. So don't be believing that just because Dick Clark drops the ball, that the slate gets wiped clean! It may be a new year, but the old you is still there!

Another thing I don't understand is the necessity to "ring in the new year" by being as blasted drunk as is humanly possible! But it seems to be a widely accepted way to begin a new year, so I suppose it is something to just accept. 

Still, we all need to remember that in order for this year to be better than last year, we HAVE to try! We have to change things, or else we will just be living perpetually in the year we just finished. So, throw out your garbage, hug your kids, pick up your laundry, help with the dishes, learn a new instrument, count your calories, actually go to the gym, and for goodness sake SMILE! Because like attracts like... so blink your eyes and embrace the new year we have all been given.

THAT time of year

There are 12 months in the year, and 365 days in those months. People float around in their own little heads, just happy to make it through their days. I enjoy those days... the ones where you don't get in anyones way, and they generally won't get in yours (except for those few, who I swear are only on this earth to be 'in your face') That is until November hits.... and then all rules fly out the proverbial window. 

Now, November is not December... but it is the December pre-cursor. It comes and people think "Oh, it's already November! December is next month! I must start shopping and acting like I have no idea that anyone else on the earth exists!" Oh, and the fun begins. 

The fun being: fighting for parking spots, dealing with traffic, fighting through swarms of people in overcrowded and overheated malls, stores and boutiques. Dealing with people who are looking for the very thing you are looking for, and have no qualms with ripping your face off to ensure they get it before you do. Fighting with overworked staff who really don't care if you get what you are looking for, because you are just another faceless cranky customer. Not to mention having to stomach the non-stop Christmas music that is poured through the sound system, which I truly believe is only there to make people more frustrated and cantankerous, because who can stay sane and calm when you've heard "Rudolph the Red-Nose Reindeer" for the 37th time in one day. And then there are the children. Oh dear crud, the children! I love my kids, they are the greatest thing I've ever been given. But when I have to go to a store, all bets are off. I don't like other kids, with their runny crusty noses, whining and screaming in the cart, throwing tantrums in the aisles, wiping their dirty fingers on whatever happens to be nearby (even if it is your pants... yes, that happened to me). 

This time of year can either make or break you. And it seems to break many. Breaks their wallets, their spirits, their common sense and their will to live. Okay, maybe not that last one, but you know what I mean :) 

I think people just need to focus on the greatness of this time. The time to spend with friends and family. Time to evaluate the last year, and how to make the new one even better. Time to relax and enjoy the beauty in the fresh fallen snow, the pretty colored lights, and the closeness that this holiday season can bring. But I really believe that the commercialism kills it for many. 

So this year, try to remain calm, don't over indulge, and enjoy the company and warmth. Because this time of year should be something that we can carry in our hearts all year long (at least the really great parts... the rest should be avoided FOREVER!!!!!!)

A new first

We experienced a new first, yesterday. When your kids get older, the first become few and far between. So when you get to have one, it is exciting! 

We took Zack and Jesse to a movie! We've never done it before, as they never seemed really interested. But, Madagascar 2 came out over the weekend, and they loved the first one, so it seemed like a good one to try. I was worried that our attempt at getting into the movie was going to be an indication of how the movie itself was going to go.... 

We planned on attending the 1:00 show, so we went an hour early, as to assure we would get good seats, etc. I forgot my cell phone at home, which turned out to be a pain in the butt... I went into the theater to grab tickets, and found that there was a 12:30 show, so I figured why not! I ran outside and grabbed Tom and the boys. We went in and stood in line for 10 minutes, only to see a sign that said that the 12:30, 1:00, 1:30 shows were all sold out! Tom took the boys back to the truck and I stayed in line to buy tickets for the 3:30 show. I was next in line, and the cashier asked "everyone who is only buying tickets to please go to the kiosk in the back, so I can serve the people who are going to the movie right now." So I trudged back to the kiosk and waited another 10 minutes, while this clueless woman tried to navigate the easy to follow instructions.... she ended up storming out and swearing that the machine was broken. The man in front of me was able to get his tickets, so I stayed and waited my turn. I got my tickets picked and chose 2 concessions for us, and was about to hit CONFIRM when the lady who had been in the big line ahead of me ran over and grabbed my arm "There are still tickets for the 12:30 show, that sign was from yesterday." HA! So I hit cancel, apologized to the people waiting behind me, and got my tickets for the 12:30 show. (it was 12:15 at this time) And once again ran outside to get the boys (see how a cell would have been helpful!) The boys said "Mommy, what is going on? I am confused!" I said I am too... but just go with it. Tom took their tickets and took them to sit down, and I got back into the big line (which had grown exponentially since I had removed myself from it) I finally got to the counter and had to make 2 trips to the theather to drop off our snacks (I only have 2 hands!) 

I got in just as the movie was starting, gave the boys their little snack boxes (popcorn, a drink and a kinder egg) and they happily sat there the WHOLE time without moving, freaking out or asking to leave. Zack ate all of his popcorn, drank all of his iced tea, and finished his kinder egg chocolate. Jesse didn't eat all of his popcorn, as he was too engrossed with the movie to do much of anything. He unwrapped his kinder egg, and was eating the chocolate... and he grabbed a piece of the tinfoil and stuck it in his mouth (like I said, he was engrossed!) Tom was like NO! And grabbed it before he could finish eating it. 

They laughed, they clapped, they cheered, and had a great time. I'm glad we waited this long to go, as I think they may have been fussy if we had gone when they were younger. So now we have a great memory of their First Movie. 

Life is full of 'firsts'. And I am so lucky to have such a great family to experience them all with.

no pain, no gain

I am in such horrendous pain right now... MAN! I love volleyball :) 

We won our games, tonight... so next week, we move up one more tier. If we win next week, we move up again, thus moving our game the following week to my son's school! He would be so happy to see Mommy playing in his schools gym. 

So cross your fingers that we win - I'd love it for my boys to come and watch me slam-bang my body around, all in the spirit of the game :)

Halloween

I don't see the necessity in halloween... dress up and gather candy? Why? Who figured it would be a good idea to dress small children up in overly expensive ensembles and parade them around in the cold, at night, to strangers front doors? Any other day of the year we yell at our kids to 'not take candy from strangers... don't wear that mask, you won't be able to see where you are walking!... don't walk around in the dark... don't go to the neighbors unless you are invited... etc' So I can understand why it would be confusing to the kids to do this... but just this one night! It makes no sense to me... 

 Not to mention all of the morons that take it upon themselves to destroy things for no apparent reason. I mean yes, there are morons everywhere, and they will forever do what they can to ruin other peoples days... but why is it so important to make a big splash on this particular day? Is there some rule that states that on October 31st, you MUST be as stupid, irresponsible and thoughtless as is humanly possible? Stuff gets destroyed, kids get injured, things are stolen, lives are taken, and it makes no freaking sense to me. It is just another day, stuck in the midst of 364 others just like it. (but then I have some serious feelings about Valentines Day also... but that is another rant) 

People also decorate for Halloween, which I don't get. Why doesn't anyone go all ape-sh*t and decorate for Canada Day, or Labor Day (OMG, imagine the decorations that would be put up for that! yikes...) People's lawns are strewn with fake tomb stones and fake mummies. Their railings are strung with lights, spiders and cob webs (things we try to avoid every other day of the year... guess it gives unclean people the upper hand this time of the year! lol) There are hacked up pumpkins layed around with lit candles in them which is clearly a fire hazard any other day of the year, but is completely expected and condoned on this day.  

And the horror movies? WHY!?!!? Who could ever enjoy sitting there watching people get slashed to bits? Laughing burns calories and creates an overall good feeling? Why would anyone watch anything that doesn't make them giggle? SEE! I am clearly perplexed!!

People wear "masks" everyday. They pretend to be someone they aren't just to get through their days. So for them, maybe this time of the year is a nice break. I, personally, am the very same person 365 days a year. I am not a big candy eater, I don't see the point in dressing up, nor do I like the idea of my kids roaming the streets dressed like turtles, fetching candy from people I don't know, with all of those crazy morons running amok. But I guess right now, to my boys, this is just a chance to get a bunch of candy and dress like turtles. To them it is fun. But me in my cynical opinion, this is all unnecessary and superfluous. 

whoah

Sometimes you have good days... sometimes you have bad. Today would most certainly have fallen under the latter, and yet at the same time it wasn't all that horrible. 

First of all, I've had a bit of a tummy ache in the mornings, which makes things a bit slow going. *cranky bit #1* This morning was no exception. I got the boys ready and walked Zack to school. It was actually a really nice morning. By the time Jesse and I got home, my tummy was in need of nap. So I layed down while Jesse played his DS and watched cartoons in bed beside me. 

My Grandma arrived soon after, and we got busy with the task of preparing my potpourri for our Christmas show (which is at the end of November). Well, I ran out of my crystals and needed to run out. 

On the way to Canadian Tire, my windshield cracked! *cranky bit #2* I screamed at the top of my lungs and probably looked like a total lunatic to the people in the car beside me.  I called Tom to freak out (as he was supposed to be taking the truck in to have the chips repaired this summer), but he didn't answer. So I called his best friend (I really needed someone to yell at). So I hollered at him for a bit (and the poor sap listened like a champ) and ran into the store. I ran all over the store to find what I was looking for. I finally found it and grabbed a cart. As I threw 2 bags into the cart, the front wheel buckled in underneath, and shot the front end of the cart into a shelf... thus knocking a bunch of stuff onto the floor. *cranky bit #3* 

As the crap tumbled to the floor, I made a loud noise that could be construed as cursing and headed to the till. There was a woman ahead of me with $73 worth of stuff, and she payed for it all with CT money! *cranky bit #4* I stood there and watched the cashier count out $73 worth of 25 cent money.. I left the store and decided to run across the street and have an egg nog latte (the starbucks in my Safeway is illegaly making them already!!!!) and as I was trying to put the lid on, the cup folded in half and dumped scalding hot latte all over my hand. *cranky bit #5* 

I am sure I could carry on with my cranky bits, but I digress.... 

Even with all that ick, I still managed to make it through the day with a smile on my face and a bounce in my step. Because even though that all happened, I still survived. And what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. And now I know that it is going to take a hell of a lot to knock me down :)

Flashback

Have you ever noticed how one memory can start a domino effect? I have been living such an effect for the last few weeks. 

It was Thanksgiving, and we decided that it might be fun to do an 80's movie marathon while we ate our dinner. So I went into my basement, and dug out all of my 80's movies. I brought them all upstairs and lined them up by my tv in a very nice display. I am rather proud of my collection - there are a lot of good movies there! 

My family came over for dinner, and started looking at them. And then it happened. My brothers and I started talking about the movies. They were amazed at some of the ones I had. Some of them, they had forgotten about. We started reminiscing about the times we remembered watching them. We laughed at how lame they all seemed now, but how much we loved them back then. 

We didn't have a lot of money when we were growing up, so we relied heavily on movies (and music) for our entertainment. We watched movies as a family on a regular basis. So when we started talking about the old ones I had, memories started drudging up. My youngest brother got so excited to see one of them, he actually brought his dinner downstairs and watched it all by himself. 

We grew attachments to these characters, movies and actors. We have very specific sentimental value to Corey Haim, Corey Feldman, Tom Hanks, Shelley Long, Kurt Russell, Martin Short, Chevy Chase, Dan Akroyd, John Candy, Steve Martin, etc. We don't just see them as old movies; we see them as part of our history.

So I've spent 2 weeks watching old movies, thinking about growing  up, and all of the stuff that has happened to shape my life.  I sat and watched the movies I know are dorky, but still hold close to my heart.  My family may be growing up, and getting farther apart each year, but no matter what happens I know that when I put in one of these movies, I will sit in my living room and laugh. And although I may be the only one actually there, my sister, brothers and my Mom will be right there beside me, laughing along in spirit. And that will keep a smile on my face and a warmth in my heart that only those people, and these flashbacks, can bring. 

volleyball, again

I had volleyball again last night. I really didn't feel like going - yesterday kind of sucked! I felt all sad and blue, and so very lonely. The last thing I wanted was to go hang out with strangers and make myself even more vulnerable. 

But I did, and I'm glad! I had a great time. I didn't play as much as last time (we only subbed the setters this time for some reason...) but I still had fun. 

I remembered to wear a tank top under my shirt, so there was no flashing. And I wore a sports bra, so there was more coverage :) Oh yes, and I also had my new Nike knee pads on, which helped a lot with the diving and digging. Although I noticed something; I seemed to be more aggressive last time, when I was without knee padding. Odd, I think! 

Nothing too exciting happened. I did manage to spike a ball (and get the point) with my left hand, which I was super happy about. We won both of our games last night! (which worked out to be 4 matches against 2 teams) So next week we move up one tier. Hopefully we can step up our game, and continue to advance. But I guess we'll see what the future holds for GNO!!! 

At the very least, we are all having a really good time :)

dreams

Everyone has dreams. When I was a kid, I wanted to be either a lawyer or a plastic surgeon. I loved the idea of arguing for a living (guess I would have been a litigator) or sucking fat out of people. (I know, strange, right!) Other than the crazy, uber expensive and hideously lengthly educations that would be required for those to be a part of my life, there have been 2 constants. 1. I dreamt of running in the Olympics. And you know what? I actually had the chance at one point in my life. Unfortunately, laziness got the better of me, and I let that part of my life pass me by. 2. I wanted to be a writer! I always dreamt of seeing my name in print on the front of a novel. I dreamt of holding a manuscript in my hands, and typing out the perfect dedication. That is something I still would like to accomplish, but I don't know if I have it in me. 

Writing is very personal. It is like exposing part of your soul onto paper. It opens up your mind and lets other people into your world. 

Running in the Olympics is also very personal. It is also exposing your soul, but it is in front of millions of people. It may only be a few seconds, but it will last forever. Only lasting 11 seconds per heat, plus also the finals (granted I even made it), but played forever in your mind, and the minds of craploads of friends, family and strangers. 

Both of those things are incredibly personal, and scary. Accomplishing them would make me feel on top of the world. But for now, they are safely tucked away in the corners of my mind... cuz after all, that is where dreams live, right?

organizing

Sometimes you get in these weird moods, and decide that everything needs to be clean! This such feeling has struck me in the last few days. I have written a list and decided that the clutter has to GO! 

Tom and I spent 5 hours cleaning out our garage last weekend. Then we spent a few hours, the following day, cleaning our laundry room. Now I've thought of lots of other things to clean! I spent 2 hours, today, doing our pantry! It looks so nice now... everything in it's place, and the random little stuff is all organized into appropriate baskets. I am loving it! 

I still have the linen closet to do, the boys closets, and their dressers. It shouldn't take me too much longer, and it will be sooo worth it! 

Clutter drives me crazy, and I live with the king of clutter! Tom leaves little piles of crap all over the place. He will come in, drop yet another pair of shoes at the door, put his jacket on the railing, drop junk on the counter in the kitchen, then put his keys, wallet and phones on another counter, and then drop his uniform on the floor in the closet! Why? Who knows... but I guess they really do mean "opposites attract". 

no husbands

So, yesterday, my sons and I went on a little road trip with my friend and her son. This is the first time that the 5 of us have travelled without the husbands tagging along. I was really excited - I knew it was going to be a lot of fun! And we did have a lot of fun, so far. 

We were an hour late getting out of town, but that is pretty usual. We got the boys all settled, and we were on the way! I forgot to grab a drink, so I was a bit thirsty... but better that than having to stop a bunch to tinkle. We managed to make 3/4 of the trip without any problems. Well, except for the time that Shar's phone rang, and she slammed on the brakes... and here is the conversation that followed... 

Me "what the hell was that!?!?"

Her "I thought it was radar!"

Me "Oh, you have a detector in here??"

Her "No..."

Me "Ha ha ha!! Okay..."

It was funny... guess you had to be there... 

Meanwhile, our husbands (and her oldest son) are still at home, doing, and planning, God only knows what! I am sure that our saving grace is the fact that one of the kids is still there... or the guys would be in Vegas by now, I'm sure! I left Tom with a "to do" list, so lets just hope at least one of those things gets done :) I am fairly certain that my brothers borrowed quad will be put to good use the next 2 days. Boys will be boys... hey? 

So we sit here, in a 12x12 hotel room, with the bathroom sink in full view of the room, while our "men" are at home, plotting world domination. But they know better than to do anything stupid... after all, we are close to West Edmonton Mall... and I've been known to be a bit of a vindictive shopper before! 

it's all relative

Have you ever noticed how everything is relative? People are related to people, weirdness is commonly related to a full moon, people who live in the snow hate it, and people who live in the sun love it! Nothing makes sense, and the grass is always greener wherever you are not. 

Well I live here, where it snows, with my relatives, last night there was a fullish looking moon, and my grass is really green. But I have problems, you have problems, they have problems... we all have problems; and they are all relative. They are relative to our surroundings, to our education, to our income, to our family, to our gender and can sometimes even be relative to the color of our hair. I am an educated female brunette who lives in a nice house and has an awesome family. That is who I am. 

For the last few days I've been struggling with my impression; my impression on my kids, on my husband, on my family and friends, and on the world. I want my kids to see me as someone strong, compassionate, nurturing, smart and fun. I want my husband to see me for everything I think he deserves from me. I want my family and friends to see me as exactly what they need me to be. And I want the world to see me as a necessary footprint on the earth. 

Sitting down and really thinking about that sort of thing can either make or break you. And I am not gonna lie - it broke me. I have a tendency to see the negative in most things, and instead of seeing all the good and amazing things I have done, I saw all that I haven't. Being negative like that can really hurt, and I'm tired of hurting. So I am trying to learn to see the positive. My life isn't bad. I have a lot to be thankful for. And from now on I am going to try to see the relativity in everything :)

volleyball

I used to be very active. I played every sport that was available to me in school. I would start volleyball in September, play it through until basketball started in November, play that through until track and field started in April...and then play outdoors all summer long. Sports were not only something I played, but I also watched religiously. 

Long gone are those days, and now I am happy if I can get a few minutes of uninterrupted play time on my Wii Fit. I no longer watch sports on tv, or follow any of the teams like I used to. (except the last game at Yankee Stadium - I watched that, as it was the end of an incredible era) 

Last week a friend contacted me and asked me if I wanted to play Ladies League Volleyball with her. I jumped at the chance, as I still love volleyball even after all these years. Last night was my first game. I haven't played since I was just pregnant with my youngest (and he turned 3 in June!) I wasn't too concerned with knee pads, as I didn't think I would be "with it" enough to be digging for balls, anyways. 

Mistake 1 - don't listen to your gut... listen to the pleading your knees are doing with you!! 

I dug, I dove, I put my poor 27 year old knees through hell last night! (keep in mind, I was told at 14 that my knees would need to be replaced by the time I was 30, if I kept playing the way I did) It was instinct! You see a ball, noone else is going for it, you dive! I knew I did a no-no when I could hear the flesh on my knees burning off onto the glossy wood floor of the gym. Whoops!!! 

That wasn't my only mistake last night... 

Mistake 2 - don't wear an everyday bra when you are playing sports... if nothing else, sports bras have more coverage in the chance of an exposure. 

Ya, I blocked the ball (which is quite the feat when you are "vertically challenged" as I am!) and as I was coming down, I realized that the thing on my face was in fact my own t-shirt. I swore rather loud, and pulled my shirt down. Much to my dismay, it had been up over my nose, and my right breast, adorned in my pretty black CK bra, was full-on exposed. Much to MY dismay, but I am fairly certain that the ref was gay, so perhaps she enjoyed it! 

Mistake 3 - don't wear a short shirt when you have intentions of jumping at the net with your arms up over your head!!

My stretch-marked GUT was flopping about last night, excited to be exposed to fresh air. I was not so thrilled that it was out in the open... I work VERY hard to keep that nastiness under wraps!! But such is life... 

I dove, I dug, I blocked and exposed myself, I served 8 points in a row, I set many successful balls, I hit a few shots over the net, I ran, I dripped with sweat, I ravaged my knees, and I can't remember the last time I've had that much fun :) 

Hello volleyball; I am Jennie... Remember me?

Invisible

Have you ever stood in a room full of people and thought "if I left right now, would anyone even notice?" Ya well, welcome to every day of my life. 

I know people love me, I know because they tell me. But it would mean so much more to me if I saw it. Seeing is believing, and believe me, I don't see. 

I am the voice in the crowd that noone hears. I am the opinion that counts for nothing. I am the person who is easy to forget, but always there when needed. 

My heart is in a constant state of brokeness, and I am unsure if I even have the tools to fix it. 

I am invisible, but always in sight. And that makes me sadder than I could ever begin to explain. 

Fall

The season is changing right before my very eyes. The grass is slowly turning from deep green into more of a putrid brownish color. The leaves are going from thick masses of green, into a more golden hue. And as they go golden, they fall to the ground. And from there, they rot and begin to stink. Oh yes, the joys of fall. 

Not only do we get to deal with the rotting remains of our beautiful summer landscape, but we also get to deal with the dropping in temperature. That may be the worst thing of all. Slowly, peoples pants are getting longer, shoes are covering perfectly manicured toes, socks are dug out of their dusty drawers, and sweaters/hoodies are making their comeback. 

Personally, I, never really rid myself of my hoodies. I adore them and wear them all year long. I love them so much, I would suffer through a hot day, sweating off 20 pounds of water weight, just to keep my favorite hoodie on my body. Yes, I am a crazy die hard nut. 

Now they are more of a necessity than a fashion statement. If I could, I would wear my shorts, flip flops and tanks with hoodies all year long. I need to find a place on earth that would allow me to do this! Because living in this area, shorts are only suitable attire for maybe 3-4 months out of the year. 

Fall is on its way, and it is taking no prisoners! The temperature has dropped drastically in the last few weeks. Today, I spent the day with my fireplace on, dressed in thick sweatpants, snuggled on the couch, reading a book and drinking hot chocolate. It was a wonderful way to spend the day, yes. But I would prefer some heat from an outside source! 

The leaves are changing, the grass is dying, the air is cold, and the nights are freezing. Carcasses remain where flowers used to bloom, and there is a definite smell in the air that can only mean one thing....summer is gone. And that makes me sad. 

adventures in quading - part deux

I went quading, again, today. Tom and I decided to give it another go, and we took off and left the boys at home with a sitter. Tom had my  brother Josh's honda racer, and I had my brother Nathaniels Arctic Cat 4x4. Everything was peachy keen...Tom did an oil change on Artie, loaded it on the trailer and we were off.

We got to Big "Mountain", unloaded, and freaking Artie wouldn't stay running on idle. There was blue smoke EVERYWHERE and it smelled like burning ass. Whatever...I was there to have fun! We got geared up, decided to hook up with the random strangers we met in the parking lot, and were on our way. Me and Artie were clicking - and hitting the trail like we had something to prove (and after Monday, I felt I DID have something to prove). I was flying through the puddles, and careening through the huge dips. I didn't get stuck once, I am proud to admit! I had to rock it a few times, and was jumping on the foot pegs to get traction once or twice...but that thing didn't stop once.....until it died. 

Yes, that is right...it died. It suffered a long and painful death, followed by a severe boot f*cking by yours truly. I was going through a dip, with water shallow enough that it didn't even soggy up my feet, and the thing stalled out. Or to be more accurate, it coughed and sputtered itself into a coma. There was noooo re-starting it, so we sat. Tom ripped the thing apart, trying to get it working for me again. He had the air cleaner off, the carb tore apart, and the spark plug out...nothing was helping. So, after 45 minutes of begrudgingly trying to bring the little sucker back to life, we all decided that it was no use, and we pushed it into the bush. 

We left the little bitch to wallow in it's own self pity, and carried on our way. I was now riding b*tch with Shar, on the back of her Outlander. We had a blast! We rode for almost 5 hours, today...and we didn't get stuck! Actually that's not true...we sort of slid into a huge rut (somewhat reminiscent of Monday - shudder)...but we were getting it out. I was literally hanging, like a chimpanzee, off the right side of it while she was using the throttle, and we were getting it back to level. But I guess Danny is a little high-strung, and he came over and took over. So that was the only mishap we had all day. 

We got back to the parking lot, parked the Honda, and Tom rode b*tch with Danny back to Artie. 10 minutes and we were back to his pathetic resting place in the wilderness. (yes, I said 10 minutes!) We dragged his sorry ass out of the bushes, hooked him up to Danny's winch, and dragged his pathetic sack of bolts back. It took a while, as he was holding Danny up in the huge ruts. At one point, Tom was hooked to Danny, and Danny was hooked to Tory. It was quite the spectacle. 

We got the POS loaded back onto the trailer, and headed for the river to de-mud before loading. Ya, we got soaked...lots of splashing and squealing...but it was fun!! 

And now, here I sit, cold and muddy, and hoping that one day I will make it through the trails all by myself. Make it through with the same quad as I started with, make it through without endangering anyones life (but maybe my own...cuz that's fun!), and make it through without another story to tell about a beast-from-hell that let me down! But until I can afford my own Can-Am, I guess I am stuck with the story telling :)

one of those days...

Do you ever have one of those days where you feel like you are unraveling at an alarming rate? Welcome to my world....today was just one of those days! 

It started off okay, except I had the strangest urge to burst into tears, all day long! Why? No clue (and no, it isn't "that time of the month") I sat around, read and drank over-steeped tea this morning. Then I had the sudden urge to attend my 10 year high school reunion (something I swore I was going to avoid like the plague). So I had to run out this afternoon and mail off the cheque for my tickets. It had to be postmarked no later than the 4th, which apparently is today. So off I went, and while I was out, I decided to pick up a few things at hell (aka. Walmart) 

I was on my way, and stopped at a red light. Apparently my nose was sticking out a bit, because this douche in a large truck drove by me, and I saw him mouth the words "what the f*ck", so in carrying on with my happy day, I flipped him off with both hands, and screamed out the window. Yes, road rage is just something you acquire while living in GP. By this point, my heart was mushy, and the tears started rolling down my cheeks. But I stopped them right away...no way was I letting some orangoutang with a license make me cry. So into hell we went....

I was able to get everything I needed with little hassle...and the boys even listened, which was a nice surprise. 

I left hell and headed for a much nicer place (aka. Starbucks) I was hoping that a jolt of caffiene would kill my urge to bawl. Although my grande light java chip frappucino was delicious, it didn't help (and pieces of the chip stuck in my teeth, which didn't make things any better!) From there, we headed home, making a quick stop at Safeway. I got what I needed (sans basket or cart), and had it all heaped on myself. I dropped it on one of those self-checkout tables, and started scanning. Everything was going good, and I was talking to one of my friends, who was making me laugh. Then it happened....the f-ing machine wouldn't accept my $20. I mumbled, "don't cross me, you stupid machine" and asked my friend if he'd bail me out of jail after I get arrested for beating the dumb money sucker to death with a tube of pepperoni. He laughed, I laughed, and the boys thought it was hysterical every time the money popped back out of the slot. The fact that they were laughing so hard may be the very thing that saved me from committing money-sucker homicide! So I suppose it was a good thing they find humor in the smallest things....kids ARE good for something, after all!! I'm kidding...I love them like crazy. (which is a good thing, seeing as I am rather crazy!) 

So here I sit, typing out my day, and realizing that there really was no reason to cry. Maybe I just need a good nights sleep, perhaps I am coming down with a cold and am not 100%. Or maybe I just need to chug a bottle of malibu and let the good times roll!!!! xoxo

puddles are just little tiny death traps

Yesterday was our first family quading adventure. A friend of our lent us his Mule (which I believe is actually a creation from the devil himself...you will see why...) and Tom borrowed my babiest brothers Honda racing quad. We got all loaded up and hauled up to Big Mountain, which is not actually a mountain, but really just a large hill, or pack of hills all put together, with a "river" running through the middle of it. We got the quads and devil-beast unloaded, got all geared up in paintball attire (as to keep ourselves dryer than if we had just worn sweats and stuff). I buckled the boys in the passenger seat of the mule, and we headed off on the trails. 

The first part of the ride was good. The boys laughed with glee as I sloshed through the puddles, splashing muddy water all about. They laughed as they watched their Uncle Danny get his Outlander STUCK in a puddle, and giggled when he rocked the quad and managed to submerge himself in a man-made tidlewave of muddy water. I should mention, this was literally 5 minutes into the ride, and Danny was SOAKED. 

We carried on our way, and came up to the "river". It was so shallow, the water didn't even come over the tires of the mule. We got parked and waited for everyone to cross. When we came upon the river, we ran into more friends of ours, and they decided to bring their Jeep YJ's down the trails with us. So now here we were, Me, Zack and Jesse on the mule...Tom, Danny, Shar, Tory and Frank on their quads, and then we had 4 people in 2 Jeeps...we were ready to rock! 

We were clipping along, all having a good time, and we came upon this puddle. There was A LOT of water in it. There was a really mucky path to the left of it, and a very dry and smooth path to the right of it. I was instructed, by 2 people, to STAY TO THE LEFT, it is very deep! I questioned the right path, and was again instructed to stay left. So I listened to them, as they were already on the other side. I started off fine, but the mule is a lot wider than their quads, it hit a rut and sucked us into the puddle-abyss. Of course the passenger side is what went in first...where my 2 boys are buckled in! Zack's arm dunked into the water, and they were at this point SCREAMING BLOODY MURDER. I fully understand, it was rather scary! Tom, Danny and Tory were across the puddle, watching this take place, and everyone else was behind me. I hurled myself out of the mule, and got to the other side (I still have no idea which way I went, as I can't actually remember that part) I was standing in the puddle, waist deep in dark murky muddy water, while my kids were both crying hysterically. I was holding the mule up with my left hand, and stabilizing my kids with my right. The wheels were off of the ground on the drivers side, and the whole right side of the mule was submerged. I managed to get the boys unbuckled, and handed them off to the people behind me (they all ran up behind me at some point, but I can't remember that, either). I kept a firm grip on the roll cage, as that was keeping it from dumping even more into the water. I got both  boys safely out, and Frank grabbed my arm and helped me out of the abyss. Tom was, at that point, in the mule trying to crank it over, to no avail. We had the Jeep behind us, and they hooked up a tow rope. Tom was in the drivers seat, Danny, Frank and Tory were standing on the drivers side (and that is what it took to level that sucker out!) The Jeep was spinning its tires, sliding all over the trail trying to free the demon-beast from the man-made lake/puddle. Finally, after the third try, it was freed. I can't honestly remember what happened after that...I think someone drove it around the right side path (the one I had intended on taking, but was told otherwise) and we got back to it. Zack was now riding with Shar, and Jesse was petrified, and crying, and riding with me. 

We carried on for a while, a bit slower and more cautious, everyone riding with me in their sites, and we came to a very steep hill. I threw the beast in low and motored on. Halfway up the embankment, the crap-can stalled out. I had my foot on the brake so hard, I believed it was about to punch through the floor. I yelled back at Tom and he came running up beside me. The beast from hell had to be turned over with a screwdriver...yes, it is a fine piece of machinery. So Tom ran up and started it up for me, and then told me I had to two-foot drive it up. I slid my horribly muddy foot to the right on the pedal, so my left foot could brake while the right foot accelerated. We made it up the hill, but by this point, Jesse was hysterical. We finished the trail and came to a cut line. We all breaked for a well-deserved drink and mini-chocolate bars. There was no cohersing Jesse back to the trail, so Tom, Zack, Jes and I motored off down the cut line, back to the parking lot. We made it down the "mountain" safely, but I had to avoid all puddles, as even the sight of them made Jesse and Zack go ballistic. We made it back to the parking lot, got the boys into their clean sweats, got them into the safety of their car seats, and they turned on their Nintendo DS's. They were finally happy. Tom and I peeled our nasty muddy clothes, and got into some dry stuff. It was that point that everyone else showed up, stating that it was a good thing we didn't try to carry on with the path, as the quads were getting stuck, and the mule would have been a goner! So I suppose Jesse saved us some heartache by being a rampaging lunatic! 

It was an okay day. Did I have fun? Sort of. Is it something I would do again? No. Would I do it with my own quad and no children? Hells ya! Because even though I was covered in mud, and really cold and uncomfortable, I enjoy quading! Just next time, I won't be riding with 2 screaming kids, nor will I be driving the spine-compactor from hell!!!!

times are changing

Times are changing in the Gordon household. The days are getting shorter, and the air is getting cooler. The nights are getting darker and longer, and morning is coming a little later than usual. The flowers are starting to wither, and the grass is getting ready to sleep. The color of the scape is turning from a wicked nice green, to more of a blah-ass yellow. Ah yes, it is beginning to look a lot like autumn! Damn-it. 

I am a summer girl, through and through. The hotter - the better!! I loved this past summer. My boys are both big enough that I can let them run around in the backyard with little, to no, supervision. And they played together soo good this year! We put a big-ass play center in our backyard this year, and the boys loved it. They had little adventures in the fort, played on the swings, screamed as the hot plastic burned their little asses on the way down the slide, and they nearly smashed out our fence while zooming on the glider. Yes, it was a good summer. 

We had a family reunion at our house this year. I got to see faces I haven't seen in years, some faces I've never met before, and faces that I see on a regular basis. It was great to have all of those people (nearly 30) in my 1300 sq ft house, in July, in the heat, without a/c! Actually, it wasn't that bad. I get energized by people, so having that many around was really good for my energy level. Also, we have a good sized back yard, fully equipped with the aforementioned play center, and a sand box, and an awesome inflatable bouncy thing. Plus, we bought some sweet-ass patio furniture just for the occasion. (okay, maybe not JUST for the occasion, as I was eyeing up patio stuff anyways, but this gave me an excuse to get it sooner than we may have otherwise!) 

The summer was good to me. It was good. Now it is leaving...and it seems it is not just leaving, but it is hauling ass out of here, with some sort of crazy vengeance! It was hoooot just a few measly weeks ago, and now it is not even hitting 20 degrees. I mean seriously, what the hell! I blame people who complain about the heat. Revel in it people, for it doesn't last long in this province! Enjoy the heat, welcome it, LOVE it, for the winter months last a hell of a lot longer in this are of the world. Winter is fine, whatever. I can't tell you how much I adore snow, and shoveling, and the three freaking hours it takes to get everyone ready to go out and brave the sub-zero temperatures. It rocks. And this year I have the necessary pleasure of braving the elements more frequently than I have in the past. 

See, my oldest son is starting kindergarten on Tuesday. That's right, my first baby will soon be a school-goer. It not only blows my mind, but also bums me fairly hard. He is growing up, and there is nothing I can do about it. Now I get all of the added stress of worrying about him while he is out of my grasp. I am sure he will be fine, and this will give me and my youngest some more bonding time (and potty training fighting time). Still, it's a shock to the system when they have a 'first' like this one. 

Times are changing.... The grass is dying (at least the parts that survived the dog poo and the buckets of sand dumped on it by my kids this summer), the air is chilling, kids are heading back to school (my baby being one of them this time), and yet in some strange way, everything is still the same. Funny how that happens......

today is June 9th.

Today is June 9th. The sun is shining, the sky is blue, my grass is green (in the spots that isn't still dead from the poo!) and my kids are running amok upstairs. Ah yes...the joys of summer!
My oldest son, Zack, has been waking up so early the last few weeks. He sees that it is light, which makes him believe it is time to arise. Ya right...it is light out at 5 am now! Perhaps I need to garbage bag his window....
My youngest son, Jesse, turned 3 on Saturday. I can't believe how fast it goes by! I still remember 3 years ago, being in my last week of pregnancy with him...the last 4 nights of counting contractions, the drive into the hospital to have him, all of the crap that went down to have him....*the doctor won't come in to do your epidural because he is too tired - he'll be in at 11 (it was 5 am at that point), getting my water broken, all of the poking and prodding, the non-stop exams to figure out why he was stuck, the discovery that his umbilical cord was wrapped around him, the split second decision to cut him out of me, the group of nurses quickly removing my jewelry and nail polish for my surgery, throwing up all over the nurse in the OR from that nasty little cup of crap they make you chug, having a panic attack because my spinal was up too high and I couldn't feel myself breathing, and then the wonderful moment where they laid him on my chest* Ah yes, still all so fresh in my memory!
Speaking of babies...my good friend had a little boy on the 4th! He is just so cute. I love fresh little babies! All the jerky movements, the gurggly noises, the toothless little mouths...SO CUTE! I do hope I will get the chance to spend more time with them before they move away this summer.
Speaking of summer....my cousin is going to be living with me for 2 months this summer! It should be fun - built in babysitter! Just kidding.... I haven't seen her in 2 years, so I am pretty excited. She's never played Wii, if you can believe that! I will have her addicted to it by August, I promise!
Speaking of August.....we will have lived in this house for 1 year in August. That hasn't happened since Jesse was still a baby. The longest we've lived in one place (since Jes was a year old) was, well, the 10 months we've lived in this place. How sad is that! And now there are talks to move us to Calgary. UGH! I should open my own U-haul :)
But I can't be too glib about things....after all, today is June 9th. The sun is shining, the sky is blue, and god-willing, my grass will be green again one day :)

sunshine, flowers and patchy grass

My 6th anniversary was on Sunday. My husband and I celebrated this by spending the day, apart, while working at a paintball tournament at our friends field. Oh how fun! I got to spend the day virtually by myself, sitting on the counter, watching South Park, Family Guy and Transformers on Tom's i-pod. JOY!! But whatever...I spent the day in the sunshine, amongst the bugs, and got some fresh air.
I stopped at a greenhouse on the way home and spent 70 bucks on flowers. I masterminded my flower arrangements this year. My Grandma usually picks them, plants them, etc. So this year I was on my own. I picked the color scheme (pink, purple and white), which flowers went in which pots (I have 5), and the way they were to be arranged. I was rather proud of myself! I was so much more proud when I actually got them all planted on Monday afternoon. Oh how pretty they all look! Now I just hope that the freaking wind doesn't kill them all before I get to really appreciate them!!
Speaking of appreciation...I do NOT appreciate my lawn! Last year it was so nice and green. I watered it, weeded it, fertilized it, etc. I even put down some special winter fertilizer before it snowed. Fat lot of good that did!!! My husband, bless his retarded soul, decided that cleaning up our dogs crap was unnecessary. So the poo sat on my lawn, and festered, for months! I finally went out and removed it, only to find that the grass underneath it all had decided to end it's own life. Sad sad sad. My backyard looks like the desert, with a few sparse patches of green. Not pleased! My front yard isn't bad, but we have a few rogue dead patches....perhaps we had meandering dogs piss everywhere over the winter. Who knows! I ordered some special "dog pee/poo, dead grass, patchy non-growing grass" seed on the weekend - and I am rather excited for it to come!! The infomercial looked promising. A friend of mine joked that we were going to be sent 2 cans of green spray paint. I hope, for the sake of humanity, that I don't get spray paint in the mail! I may just go crazy. My lawn, and my sanity, requires some pretty kick-ass seed right now.
Because we can't have the beautiful sunshine and pretty flowers ruined by the poo-killed grass now, can we?

energy

In high school health class, I remember taking a test. It was a test to see if we, as the students, were more introverted or extroverted. I remember the questions seemed odd, but the outcome was dead on. I was classed as a strong extrovert - meaning I fed off of other people, got energized when I was around people, etc. And I find that test is still very accurate today.
I've noticed that when I am alone for long periods of time, I get sad. I have no reason to be sad, but I feel very very sad. If I don't talk to people, I get sad. If I am excluded from things, my feelings get hurt very easily, and I get sad. It sucks! I wish it weren't so, but alas, it is.
On the other hand though, when I am around people, I am very upbeat and happy. When I have a lot to do, I am more energized than when I am at home. Although running errands may seem mundane and exhausting, I get a charge out of it. I get amped up when I am in a group of people. I get energy from talking to people. When I have plans to do stuff, I tend to stay in a better mood throughout my days.
It makes no sense. But I get sad for no reason, and happy for strange reasons. I know that most people will say that that is just human nature, but when I don't talk to people, I feel completely lonely. I could be sitting beside someone, and feel as lonely as if I was all alone.
Perhaps I am insane? Perhaps I need to seek professional help? NAH. I'm just a strong extrovert - and I am a people person. And there is nothing wrong with that.

random randomness

Okay....so I have become a total bum for blogging. I apologize to the only people who read this....ERIN! Sometimes life gets in the way of life. I am not sure how it happens, but it does! I intend on writing a very stern letter to the person who runs my life, insisting that I take some more time to breathe (and blog). I hope it will be well received. And considering I will be the one who reads it, I wouldn't count on it. HA HA HA! I am making myself sound like a stark raving mad lunatic. AND IT'S FUN!
The sun is shining, my grass is growing (in the spots that isn't dead from the rampaging dog that pissed all over it this fall), my flowers are beginning to bloom....who doesn't love this time of year!?!?! I am still petrified that it is going to snow again...but I am hoping that it won't. I planted a Prairifire Crab tree last night (we had NO tree's on our property...that is just sad!) And I don't want my little tree to die! So, cross your fingers.
My anniversary is on Sunday. 6 years. I can't freaking believe that 6 years has already gone by. And what will we be doing that day, you ask? WELL! Tom will be at the paintball field, reffing a tournament. I've been asked to help, as they are short on able hands. Sounds like a party to me......Annoying as hell paintball players, all stinky and painty, being annoying as hell, and driving me up the wall. Yep! That sounds like the perfect anniversary to me! May even beat out last year...and last year our hotel started on fire, and we were evacuated to the middle of the street at 2am. Gotta tell ya, the Calgary Tower looks beautiful against the glare of the bouncing Fire Truck lights :)
That is my world. I am a bum, married to a bum, and we have 2 cute little bums. (the boys I mean, I am by no means complimenting my ass!!!)

uphill battle

Okay, so it's been a while...again! And I apologize to the one person who even bothers reading this :)
Since my last post, I was diagnosed with Hypothyroidism. I had wondered if I had this problem for a few years now. I researched it a lot, and found that I had numerous symptoms assosiated with the disease. After badgering my doctor for a looooong time, he finally caved and prescribed me some meds to help with this problem. And low and behold, THEY HELPED! I finally feel like myself again. It is the weirdest feeling to be in your own body, but not be yourself. To feel like a complete stranger to yourself, and not know why, or how to fix it. To know that something is wrong, and to badly want help, but not be given it. It sucks! But, I am on the road to recovery, finally, and so happy that I am finally here. It will be an uphill battle for me, as I will be medicated forever now. But at least I will be myself, medicated...but, myself. I have a lot of things to fix, now that I am on the meds. When my thyroid was broken, a lot of things went wrong with me. And now it is up to me to repair them. I have a bunch of weight to lose, and I am hoping that with my thyroid working again, I won't struggle as much as I have been. I have to repair my hair, as it got totally brittle and dry, and starting breaking off and falling out. I have my skin to re-hydrate, as it got so dry, it started flaking. I have broken bridges to mend, as when you aren't happy with yourself, you tend to cease contact with people in your life. And that is just scratching the surface.
So I have a real uphill battle going on right now. But I am hoping that with some hard work, determination, help from my friends and family, and by the grace of God, I will succeed and once again be the person that I used to be...once again be the person I aspire to be......once again be me.

been a while

Wow - it's been a while since I posted. MY BAD! I blame my craptacular laptop. The thing is so sporadic, I never know when it will work. And seeing as I spend more time upstairs, it makes it harder to use the computer downstairs :)
Not a whole lot has changed around here. Zack went to his first "school friend" birthday party, the day before we had his party. It was a bit peculiar. He wasn't just the only boy there, he was the only boy who was invited! The Mom of the birthday girl informed me that she only invited people from play-school that her daughter spoke of frequently. I guess I have a little ladies man on my hands! He had a great time. His little "girlfriend" was there, also. They play this little game, where they stand nose-to-nose and stare at eachother, then yell NOTHING and back away. I am not entirely sure how I feel about that....perhaps it is good that they will be attending separate kindergartens in the fall :)
I have our Vegas trip all planned. We are going down in April. Our anniversary isn't until May, but Tom is playing in a paintball league this summer, and it would have been hard to get away in May because of it. So, April it is! We are staying at the New York New York, and I am pumped! I can't wait to go. Tom and I are going down with some friends of ours. And, he surprised me by booking the Graceland Chapel! My big dream was to get married by "Elvis". I even had our entire Vegas trip planned for our wedding, and the whole honeymoon to Disneyland. But because of some family stuff, I wasn't able to. So we are going to renew our vows. Ya, we've only been married for 6 years, but who knows when we will make it back. Besides, it's gonna be so much fun! We are also going to see a Cirque De Soleil show, as well as David Copperfield. It should be a great time.
Right now my husband is out of town, again. So I have yet another "bedtime ritual" to do on my own. I just hope that the boys go to bed easily tonight, and don't get up a bunch of times. I feel really run down and exhausted today. All I want to do is get them to bed, get into my jammies, crawl into bed and watch Friends. Sounds like a party to me! Who knows, I may even throw a brownie into the mix :) WOO! I am living on the edge...I know!!

my baby

My oldest baby turned 5 years old yesterday. FIVE! I can't believe it. I was in a blur all day, thinking back on when I was laying in that hospital bed, in horrible pain, and then with that epi needle in my spine. Oh the sweet release! If I could, I would walk around with one of those in all the time, LOL!
We didn't do a party for him yesterday, but my family all came over on Thursday night to see him. And we are having all of his friends over on Sunday afternoon for cake and stuff.
I am just amazed at how fast time goes by. My littlest baby will be 3 in a few months...and that is quite bizarre, too. Guess they can't stay babies forever....I just love getting snuggles, hearing "I love you Mommy....I miss you Mommy" etc. So I hope that doesn't stop still for a bit :)

talking

Sometimes you get to talk to someone. Sometimes that someone and you have really great talks. Sometimes you feel all giddy and fluttery when you talk to that someone. Sometimes you pass your day with someone that you don't get to talk to a lot. Sometimes it is fun.
I had one of those sometimes, yesterday. I got to talk to a friend of mine, that I don't get to very often. It was fun, and I laughed a lot. I just wish that we could talk more.
I love days like that. Days where you are happy and smiling, and passing the time with a good friend. Those days are great. Sure, it may have been snowing yesterday. Sure, it may have been grey skied. But as far as I was concerned, it was a wonderful day.
I wish I could have more of those days. And who knows, now that my 'broken-ness' is getting fixed, I just might :)

yummy

I just want to go on record...
Malibu is delicious.
That is all :)

smiles and giggles

I was in a very happy, and odd, mood today. And I believe that a few of my friends were, also! I have a few people that I talk to on a daily basis - whether it be via IM or facebook. I have to admit, I look forward to our chats everyday, and can't wait to see what kind of nonsense we can stir up each day! Today was such a nonsense day....
We talked about some of the most insane junk, it made me laugh out loud. Now, you know you are having a good conversation, and having a good time, when you laugh out loud, alone, in your kitchen!! I am sure I look like a mental patient, but I'm having a good time, so who cares!!!
I enjoy sharing things about me that people may not know. It is what makes me who I am, and I want my friends to know all of the nitty-gritty. One of my friends got a bit of TMI today - but I got some back, so it's all good! We shared everything from battle-wound stories, to the color of our underwear (which, coincidentally was the same color...) It's nice to share, and have a good laugh.
I laughed A LOT today. I kind of feel like a crazy person...but it's nice. I am really close to the person I used to be, and the person I have been searching for. Who knows, maybe this is a turning point for me. Let's hope so!! I'd really rather prefer to smile and giggle....who wouldn't!
I won't share what was said today that made me laugh out loud; you'll just have to use your imagination. And besides, some things are best left in the privacy of your kitchen. Just you, your laptop and a few good friends :)

the bonds of womanhood

I received an email today. It is one that I have received many times before, but it never ceases to make me giggle. So in the interest in sharing a giggle, I am going to post it here for you :)

This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor
and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the
first paragraph. PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best web
mail-award-winning letter.


Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I
appreciate many of their features. Why, without the Leak Guard Core or
Dry-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing,
and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white
shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos
on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi
pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month
knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the
curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right
now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my
body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed
into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.
Isn't the human body amazing? As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene
Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens
during your customers monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know
about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense
mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's
a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought
the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill
just because he told her he
thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy! The point is, sir,
you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal
maniacs in Capri pants.. Which brings me to the reason for my letter.

Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside
my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed
on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.' Are you
fu*ing kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager
brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness is possible
during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit
pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M
freak girl, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have
to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just
so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and
a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory. For the love of God, pull
your head out, man! If you just have to Slap a moronic message on a maxi pad,
wouldn't it make more sense to say
something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular
Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there
will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad
business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will
not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bull sh*t. And that's a
promise I will keep. Always.


Best,

Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX



Well, there you have it. I couldn't have said it better myself. A friend of mine sent this to me last year, with the heading "I read this, and thought of you. It sounded like something you would have said". And, that made me smile! To think that my style of writing and my sense of humor is that recognizable, is flattering!

But it's not just that that makes me giggle with this. It makes me realize that I am not alone. That every month when I am writhing in uncomfort, cursing my ovaries, and loathing the fact that I lack a penis; that I am in good company. We may not be comfortable, but we have the solice in knowing that I am not the only one suffering through this. Nor will I be the last. I know that I am not the only one who would like to weild a shovel and attack all those who never experience this (such as the brilliant mind behind the "have a happy period" comment...what kind of sick, sadistic, freak could ever even think that is remotely close to possible!??!!?) I admit, I am lucky enough to not really suffer through pms. I don't get cramps or get moody. I occasionally get a slightly oily face, and I crave chocolate like there's no tomorrow! But otherwise it just sort of sneaks up on me. That isn't saying that I don't despise this time of the month. Who can enjoy having "all of that" going on "down there"?
There are a few moments in life where you are lucky enough to escape the monthly visitor. I experienced such bliss while I was pregnant. I had a whole new slew of jolly good bodily functions to deal with, but I was free of "aunt flo" for a few splendid months! But don't get too used to it, ladies....for it comes back, and it's been on break for a few months, and it comes back with a VENGEANCE! And then there is "the change" that we all will go through later in life. And those women may be free of "aunt flo", but they have a whole new battle to fight. And they don't come equipped with the little F-16's in their pants to help them fight!
So ladies, though it may suck to high heaven, take solice in knowing that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. At any given moment, we have our very own army of women who are suffering just as much as we are, and fed up with the visitor who is never invited, and always overstays it's welcome. Take solice in knowing that if you ever need an army of shovel weilding maniacs, look no further than your local maxi-pad/tampon aisle. Because there you will find women who share tight bonds of womanhood, women who are temporarily insane, women who are armed and ready to go out in a blaze of glory...women who are ready to singlehandedly take down the insensitive asshole who penned the "have a happy period" crock of sh*t tagline.
So there you go....you are not alone.

my, how times have changed.

I've been in awe lately, of how big my oldest son is getting. I can not believe that he will be 5 years old in 2 short weeks. It is amazing to me that 5 year has already passed since I was big, pregnant and uncomfortable. 5 years ago I was living in a small 2 bedroom apartment...just me and Tom (on the 4th floor...in a walk-up, I should point out!). We were excited to have a baby and start our family, but so terrified all at the same time. And now, that little baby that scared us out of our minds is about to turn 5! He will be starting kindergarten in the fall. I am boggled, and almost sad. Sad that this is the last summer we get him all to ourselves. Sad that he will no longer be my baby. Sad that he will not be here every day to make me smile and play with his brother. Sad that, once again, things are changing. But I am happy, because he is a great little boy, and I know he will continue to grow and blossom into his own little person.
And no matter what happens, I will always, and forever, be his Mommy. The same Mommy who bawled when the doctor laid him on my chest when he was born. The same Mommy who cried the day he learned to crawl. The same Mommy who cried when he took his first steps. The same Mommy who got teary when I dropped him off for his first day at playschool. And he will always, and forever, be my baby. My first baby. My only blonde haired, blue eyed, wonderful baby.
Things certainly are different from 5 years ago. I may look and act pretty much the same, but I am not that 22 year old anymore. I have more confidence in myself as a Mother. I have less fear and worry, and yet strangely I have the same amount (if you are a Mom, you will know what I mean). I have not one, but two, wonderful, beautiful, healthy and hilarious little boys. My marriage with Tom is as strong as ever, and we continue to grow and learn together. And yet whenever I look at those two boys, I can remember, in detail, the day I found out I was pregnant with both of them, the long journey through the 9 months of pregnancy, the moments leading up to their births, the feelings and emotions, the trials and tribulations that followed, and all of the wonderful things since.
I can't believe how much things have changed. My boys are their own little people, both with their very own unique personality. I love and adore them, and can't wait to see what they become. But I am still amazed at how fast time has gone by.
So cherish every day. Because one day it will be you, watching your first baby taking his first steps, sleeping in his very first big boy bed, walking away from you and into school for the first time....and you will be the one welling up with tears in your eyes, remembering the way he smelled and felt as a baby, and wishing that just for one split second, everything could be as it was....but really excited for the future. Time goes by so quickly. They change so fast. But in my heart, my boys will always be the same tiny little bundles I brought home from the hospital - so small and fragile....and all of my heart.

the miracle of life

I have been pondering the whole process of life, lately. I know 3 people who are having babies this year, so I figured why not share!
The first friend was due on Valentines Day. It is their first baby, and she is so excited (and they will be awesome parents)! I was 10 days late with my youngest, so I know exactly what boat she is in right now (it will end, Erin...I promise!!!) I've been trying to remind her to cherish the last few moments she will have alone with her husband. To remember how it is to sleep through the night, and not have that constant fear for the life of your child. She is getting induced on Monday (assuming the little one doesn't make his/her appearance this weekend), and I wish her and her wonderful husband all the best in the world!!
The second friend is due in May. I've known her since their first baby was born - they are now onto their third. These people are all heart (and possibly a tad crazy) and they want to have six kids! Ya....I said six. I have two kids, and sometimes it feels like two too many! But I say all the power to them. If six is how many they want, then I hope they get all that their hearts desire :)
The third friend is due the beginning of June. It's kind of funny - her wedding anniversary is the day after mine, and her due date is the day (or 2 days) after my youngest was born! She is a wonderful girl, and I know that her baby will be soooo loved. This will be their first baby, and they are stoked! A friend and I went out to buy her some baby stuff on Sunday, and it made me giddy. I loved shopping for baby clothes and accessories. They are all so small and cute.
Babies are wonderful, but they change EVERYTHING. And it is crazy and hectic and stressful and scary.....but it is wonderful and amazing and unexplainable when you hold your baby in your arms, and know that it is yours, forever. It is unreal to know that this little thing will be in your life now, for all time. That nothing will ever be the same again. That you will never look at the world the same way again. To know that your outlook on everything is now altered. To know that your relationship with your spouse will never be the same. That you will discover a new and interesting way to sleep enough in 2 hours to get you through the day. To discover that you will now spend more money on your childs clothes than on your own, and they are small enough to just barely cover your foot. And to know that all of this happened due to a small little thing that would fit into a dresser drawer. It is a surreal feeling.
For the first 2-4 months that we had our oldest, I said on a daily basis "I can't believe he's mine. I feel like I am merely babysitting!" It was a crazy feeling, and I can't describe it. I was so flooded with joy and pride, yet I felt that I was just watching him.
My sons are the pride and joy of my life. I live for those two little boys. They may drive me to my wits end regularly, and make me feel like an insane asylum escapee.... but they are wonderful in a way that noone else will ever be to me. They bring me feelings that noone else will ever give me. I can be having the worst possible day, and those two can make me smile faster than anyone else ever could. They are my absolute everything. And I can't wait for my friends to experience this same feeling. I have wonderful friends, and I can't wait for them to all be filled with this euphoric feeling, this feeling that will bring laughter and tears, this feeling that will bring joy and fear, this feeling that will never go away.
Babies - nothing will ever be the same, ever again.

sad

The sun is shining, today. The sky is blue, and the snow is melting all around me. And yet I feel sad. I do not deal with death very well. Even if I don't know the person who is passed, I am still affected.
I've been affected twice this week. On Monday, someone I went to school with was lost in a fatal car crash. We hadn't spoken since high school, but it is still weird to think of them missing from the world.
And yesterday I was informed that a good friend lost a member of her family. My heart is really going out to her at this time, but I am usually at a loss for words when this tragedy strikes.
I never know how to behave after a loss like this. I never know what to say. And it always affects me and my thoughts. Like I said, I may not know them, but it makes me sad.
I will not dwell on death. I only let it in to affect me, when it has affected someone that I know, and care for.
I just don't know what to say; don't know what to do. I just pray that I can be there for whoever needs it, and share with them some of this sunshine.

valentines day

I know there are some girls who say that valentines day is ridiculous, in trying to seem like the "cool girlfriend/wife", but secretly they want all the hollaballoo. I am not such a girl. I honestly, and whole heartedly, believe that this day is a manufactured fabrication thought up by rich people who don't really need to make more money, but they want to, designed to help those in the world who need vindication or assistance in getting a date, getting laid, getting forgivness, getting a free pass, etc. It is over-commercialized and unneccessary, and yet people fall prey to its clutches each and every year.
I told my husband, years ago, that I would punch him if he ever bought me flowers or chocolate on valentines day. The prices are inflated, and it just seems so cliche. I would like to know he loves me, and thought of doing something nice for me. I want to know he did it because he loves me, not because it was expected of him because way back in some far off land, someone decided that February 14th was a good day to make people world-wide buy crap for one another.
I am not saying that I will look down on anyone for celebrating this day. To each his own. Nor will I poke fun at anyone who believes in the sanctity of this day. I merely don't believe in it, or what it stands for. People should know you love them, and they love you, every day of the year.
If people need a certain day to spoil their loved ones, and show them they care, then fine. But for me, my husband coming home with a nice bouquet of flowers, just because, is far sweeter than doing it because it's valentines day.
But that's just my opinion.......

freezing temps, food and foul movies

It has been less than pleasant outside, lately. We got another chilly week, compounded with even more snow. NOT FUN! I also was blessed with my childrens cold, which has made the freezing air all the more awesome on my poor lungs. I hear it is supposed to be warmer by Friday; so let's all cross our fingers, cuz I am sooo over this weather! I said to my husband yesterday, as we just finished running through a parking lot, kids in tow, at a frigid -40something (with the windchill), "this is as close to hell on earth that we will ever get". And I think I was fairly accurate!
I had to go grocery shopping on Friday, and my poor kids had to come. It was freezing out that day, also, which made for a really gross trip to Safeway. I got to hang out with a friend while we were there, though, so that was a bonus! I've started this fat flush detox thing, which has brought upon a whole new perspective of food. Like what a pain in the ass shopping is, cooking is, cleaning is....etc. Jenny Craig was just sooo much simpler! (but probably not as good for my insides as all of these veggies are!) So I will suffer through the numerous trips to Safeway, the preparation and cleaning after all of the meals I have to make, because it just might give me a hot ass (and not because I burnt it in the tanning bed, again!).
I watched some movies this week- some good, some bad. I really enjoyed The Jane Austen Book Club. I also watched The Brave One with my husband....not so much....Shooting people in the eye is just not my cup of tea. A friend of mine suggested Blonde Ambition....Jessica Simpson is in that movie, so I was weary of it (as she is not the most amazing actor) but she said it was cute. So I watched it...all I can say is, I am glad it was a free rental! (and I am really glad you enjoyed it, Erin!!!)
So that's been my life lately....freezing my burnt ass off, while making all of my detox meals, while watching what hopefully is not a foul movie! But I guess you just don't know until you try.....

roasty toasty

When it is all cold and nasty outside, sometimes it is nice to go and lay in a warm tanning bed, and pretend you are in a far off tropical place. I did such a thing last night, as the snow and wind blew outside. I slathered myself with my mango-tangerine lotion and layed down in the bed. This bed, in particular, is freaking cool. It has a jack for your i-pod and plays through speakers in the bed, so you don't have to fight with your earphones. It also has an option that will spritz your body and face with water every minute. It also has aromatherapy that will shoot out some nice smelling stuff every other minute. Pair that with the kick-ass air conditioner in that thing, and it is the world's coolest tanning bed!!
I layed there last night, relishing the peace and quiet, as the music from my beloved i-pod played. I must have fallen asleep, because my 9 minutes seemed to fly by!
I should mention, though, that I decided to rid myself of my pesky tan lines, last night. I got sick of seeing my white ass peeking out from the waist of my pants. So last night was day 1 in the "no more white ass" execution.
I know from past experience, that this is rarely a good idea...but when you get a plan in your head, it's hard to talk yourself out of it! I certainly wish I had listened to myself last night when I thought "wow, I am gonna have a freaking burnt ass tomorrow!!!" And you know what? That's exactly what I got! My husband jokingly asked me to get out of bed last night...he said that my butt was radiating so much heat, it was causing him to sweat. What a turd.
So today I sit here all roasty and toasty, as my flaming red ass is keeping me quite warm. Let the wind and snow blow outside, I have a radiator butt!! And, now I don't have a white ass peeking from beneath my jeans....though now I don't really remember why that was such a bad thing!!!!

best friends, buttheads and bronchitis

This was my weekend with my bestest, and I was so very excited about it! I looked forward to this for so so long. Everything was fine when I left on Friday afternoon, but when I spoke with my husband that night, I heard a crazy noise in the background. I asked what it was, and was informed that it was my baby, Jesse, who had something that sounded like croup. AH! It was 11pm at that point, and I was all ready to come home. It's my baby!! But my husband assured me that he could handle it, and insisted I stayed where I was. I made a point to text or call him very frequently all weekend, just to make sure that everything was taken care of, and everyone is still alive.
I had a great time with my bestest! We went for a run, went for lunch, went shopping, saw an old friend, had dinner and then went to see "PS. I Love You". It was SOOOOOOOOO good!!! My husband was kind of upset with my after that, though, as I didn't call when he thought I should have. See, he didn't think the movie would be longer than an hour and a half or two hours. However....this was one long ass movie! And I have to admit, I get a little upset when he doesn't call me, and I know the roads are bad. So I can understand his logic, but I mean come on! It was a little unnecessary and embarrassing to have that convo in front of my best friend! I did the best I could that weekend, and it still didn't seem good enough. BUTTHEAD!!! Oh well...things are fine now. I said my peace, amen!
My kids are still both hacking like little baby seals, and I am pretty sure that they are close to bronchitis sounding. I just hope they get better soon.
All in all, it was a pretty good weekend! I would love to do this on a frequent basis, but only if my husband will promise to unclench, and my kids will promise to remain healthy!!! Ya right...and the chances of that are??????

one step forward...three steps back

Have you ever had one of those mornings, where it feels like all of your efforts are just straight out the window (I know you know what I mean, Milissa!) I have been wandering around lately, all happy and content, thinking that everything is going pretty good. Our bills are payed, our house is warm and cozy, our truck is payed for....things were going pretty good! So I finally took an opportunity to spoil myself a little (I rarely spend money on myself...usually the boys or Tom get spoiled!!) So I went onto ebay, and bought myself some Coach stuff, and some lululemon clothing. I was happy! Tom was thrilled that I finally got to splurge a little. And with my trip coming up this weekend, everything seemed gravy.
Until this morning.....
Tom woke up this morning to a FREEZING house. The thermostat read a chilly 15 degrees. Why? I have the heat set at 21 for night-time...why so cold? Being 630am, Tom wasn't really thinking clearly. So he lovingly cranked the heat to a balmy 35 degrees, turned on the fireplace and came in to say good-bye. He told me it was chilly, but he had taken precautions to ensure that the three of us at home would be cozy when we woke up. Ya...if only that were true.
Jesse came into my room at 830 (2 hours after Tom had "warmed the house up for us") And he was upset that he was "so cold Mommy, so cold!!" So I let him into bed with me, and we cuddled under the warm feather filled comforter. Finally, he asked for juice, so it was up and out of bed for me. I shivered my ass off as I ran to the kitchen. The floor beneath my feet was like an ice rink. I got him his juice, and ran him into his room. I then proceeded to layer clothing on him like he was headed outdoors. Once he was all bundled up, I layed him in his bed, covered him with 2 blankets, and turned on his movie. He was comfy... Then I ran back to my room, ripped off my pajama shorts and tank top, threw on my trusty russell sweatpants, 2 shirts and a hoodie, and the thickest socks I have. Then into Zack's room....I did the same procedure with him, plus I had to give him some motrin, as he has a fever today (at least one of us was warm!).
After everyone was all cozied into their winter clothing, I checked the thermostat. Nice. 16 degrees, and now 3 hours since Tom turned it up. Something is wrong. So I called our neighbor (who also happens to be Tom's friend) and he came over, just as Tom was coming home from work. Apparently people get concerned when you tell them that you have no heat coming from your furnace, that your furnace has no pilot light lit, and it is -35 outside. Twiddle-dee and Twiddle-dum tried to get the pilot light lit for a good half hour. Finally the fan came on, and started blowing cold air into our already frigid house. "Sorry honey, I know you are handy and all....but we need some professional assistance now!" So I called the furnace repair people. Thankfully, the people who built our house installed a Lennox, so we were put to the top of the list, and the guys came right away (they work for a Lennox distributor) Apparently, our ignitor was broken. So, $80 for the call-out, and a nice $150 for the ignitor...and they were here for less time than Tom and Danny spent on it. So, $246 later, and my house is FINALLY warming up.
So let this be a lesson to you all.....just when you think you are safe, think again! Because you may end up spending a bunch of money on hoodies, and they may look nice, but unless they are in your possession, they won't keep you warm on the days that your furnace decides to pack it in!!!

words to live by

I am a fan of poetry. I do not sit around and read books of it, and I would struggle to name off any famous writers in this area...but I will read it if it is in front of me, and enjoy it. I also have been known to write a poem or two.
This particular one, though, has always been a favorite of mine. It was like my mantra when I was still participating in competetive sports (I really miss those days!) So I thought I'd share...because they're good words to live by.

The Contest
The contest lasts for moments
Though the training's taken years
It wasn't the winning alone
That was worth the work and tears
The applause will be forgotten
The prize will be misplaced
But the long hard hours of practice
Will never be a waste
For in trying to win you build a skill
You learn that winning depends on will
You never grow by how much you win
You only grow by how much you put in
So any new challenge you've just begun
Put forth your best
And you've already won
-Anonymous

outings

You don't know stress and exhaustion until you have singlehandedly taken 2 small boys out for the day, on your own, with no backup! I am in the midst of that exhaustion as I type this....scratch that....as I forcibly push my fingers onto the keys of my keyboard. I went out with a friend of mine today, along with her 2 little boys who are the same age as mine. We thought it would be fun for us to take the boys bowling. All 4 of them. With just the 2 of us. Fun. Riiiiight. Though, I will admit, we did have a good time between the yelling for the kids to get out of other peoples alleys, to not play with the balls, to get away from the ball carousel thing, to not dump all of their juice all over the floor, to not eat the cookie they just dropped on the floor, to not throw their bowling balls into the air...etc. We did manage to have half of one conversation before it was interrupted with some sort of child emergency. It was a good time, and I like getting together with those guys. And, the boys had fun....so who cares about all of the rest of it.
We then took the boys to McDonalds to have some food, and wear off some of their energy in the germ infested cesspool of a play area. They loved it! They played for well over an hour, and my friend and I actually were able to talk!! Of course, my kids were doused with Purell the instant we left that nasty pit of disease.....cuz seriously, GROSS!!
From there, we headed off to Hell-on-Earth (aka. walmart) where I nearly completely lost my mind! I am not saying that it isn't a total blast to chase after one kid, while the other one hides in racks of clothing. Or to have to yell at your kid to come beside you, whilst all of the other parents within earshot have their judging eyes out, drilling their way into your psyche. I don't care who you are, you can't tell me that you haven't had to yell for your kid at least once in a busy store...so put your judging eyes back into their sockets, and mind your own freaking business!!!. (yep, it was one of "those" days) My friend and I parted ways in Walmart, as we decided it was easier to wrangle just our own 2 kids, as opposed to the 4 of them in a group (or herd, as is more appropriate to call them).
My day has mellowed since I left that dump of a hell-hole...but the exhaustion that came with my outing today is still quite present. Right now I would love to turn on my fireplace, curl up in my favorite overstuffed arm chair, have a huge steaming cup of hot chocolate (spiked to death with malibu...thanks Andy!!!) and watch a good movie. But alas, the basis of my exhaustion is still pumped full of piss and vinegar, in the other room, playing wii. So I guess my nice relaxing dream night will have to wait for another.....16 years....give or take.

alone at night...

I don't mind when my husband is away overnight. I get the whole big king bed to myself, I can watch whatever I want, and for the hours between when the boys go to bed, and I go to bed, I can be completely quiet and not have to speak! (which is a nice change from always having to talk to the boys all day long). Last night was supposed to be one of those nice nights....and it just really really wasn't. My parents came to take my oldest to his soccer game, which meant that just me and my youngest would be here. We played cars, he watched some cartoons, and then off to bed. I had a few minutes of peace and quiet, and then the phone rang. It was a call from the past which I tried to block from my mind, but it weaseled its way in there, and screwed up my whole night. Not having anyone to talk to really made it hard for me to ignore, also. I watched a movie, had my supper, tried to chill out.... My parents brought my son back, and I put him right to bed. Again, I had some quiet time....until my husband decided to call and talk about my horrible day/night. Well, all the efforts I had made to remain calm were then out the window. I kinda lost it on him, I'm not going to lie. I talked, I cried, and I tried to refrain from yelling, as both of the boys were sleeping. It was a rough night, I'm telling you right now. So I finally crawled into bed, watched some Back to the Future, and then realized that I forgot my bedtime routine with the boys. So I went into my youngests room, changed him into his goodnight and tucked him in. I was not expecting him to sit up and ask me for some water....but he did!!! So I got him some water, and prayed to everything that he would go back to sleep (as it was 1230am at that point) Then I went into my oldests room, turned off his tv and crept out. Not even 5 minutes later, he was crying and yelling in the bathroom...so I ran in there to check on him, asked him if he had an accident, and he said no. So apparently it was just a crying sort of night (granted, I didn't do it while standing naked in front of the toilet...but to each his own) I finally got him tucked back in, and I got back into bed. I turned off my favorite movie, got snuggled into my awesome bed, and then my idiotic cat started howling! What the hell was wrong with her, I will never know. But she proceeded to sit at the end of my bed and squawk all night.... Luckily, I was so exhausted from my sh*t-ridden day, that I sort of just drifted into a sleep coma.
And so as I sit here today, exhausted, disheveled and puffy, I just hope and pray that today/tonight goes better...because many more of those nights, and my husband will have some serious hell to pay. He was off with his friends laughing, having fun and enjoying their Friday night, as I sit here in my own personal hell. All I can say is, please, please, I hope that while I am away next weekend, he gets a little peek into my "alone at night" world....cuz there is room for two, and I am sick of being the only one there!!!!

random

Okay, so I have been a little slack on the posting lately, but I have good reason! My computer is rejecting my efforts! I've had a few posts written up, but are lost in cyberspace when I hit 'publish post'. Perhaps my POS computer is smarter than I give it credit for. Perhaps it is flushing the posts that need not be read. Some things are better left unsaid. And, now they are.
My husband left for his sausage-fest today. They have some fun stuff planned for the weekend. Although, they are taking a minor, so the drinking and "classy bitches" (as so eloquently put by my friend, and the one who planned this whole penis weekend) are out of the question. SHUCKS! Those poor morons.
But I suppose one good thing is coming of him being gone to Calgary this weekend...I was looking at a website for my favorite hoodie place (ya, my hoodie obsession is a whole other story!!) and I noticed that they were having a big warehouse sale in the same area of Calgary that my hubby is going to be at! Ah yes, retribution!! [insert crazy laugh here] So he and his travel buddies have to go to a Lululemon sale for me. SUCKAHS!!!!
I just hope and pray that my kids behave this weekend...I am running out of room on my rapidly freying rope. And my poor best friend will be left to pick up the pieces next weekend. But that's okay...that's what friends are for....to help you re-weave your rope, so you can handle yet another day :)

soooo

My husband was away a lot for work in December. And then he had another overnight last week. I can handle them pretty easily, my boys are old enough now that they help out with a lot of stuff, and are easier to deal with. I don't much care for the loneliness when hubby is gone, but that is just my nature. I actually enjoy some quiet time, and having the king all to myself! (plus, I can watch whatever dorky crap I want on tv, and he isn't here to heckle me!) So after his last overnight, he arranged for me to take a weekend by myself, and go visit my best friend. I was thrilled! I haven't had one of these weekends in soooo long. I adore my kids, don't get me wrong, but some re-charge time is always nice. (plus, Tom really doesn't spend a lot of 1-on-1 time with the boys, so it will be good for them, too) So next weekend I am off to spend some time with my bestest. I am looking forward to it! Do some shopping, go for a run with her, go for lunch, and maybe a movie. It is something I have been looking forward to. (and still am...but....) My husband has decided he is taking this weekend as his fun time...and that really bothers me! I know that all of his overnights have been for work, but come on! Going to a course for a few hours, and then bumming around Vancouver hardly sounds taxing to me! Or his last overnight, a friend of his was with him, and they went for dinner and then watched a movie. OOOH. That poor man, he is just waaay overworked! I can see why he needs a weekend away with his buddy [insert rolling eyes here]. I am just kind of irritated about all of this. We had made a deal, years ago, that the next time he went to this tournament, I was going too (as I have friends in that city that I would like to visit with). But apparently, we can not afford the both of us to go, just him. Not entirely sure where he learned to do math, but I think that place should be torched!!!! Whatever...he can have his sausage-fest weekend. He can go and be an uber-dork and hang out at that paintball tournament and slobber over guns and other incredibly stupid crap. But I just hope he realizes, there is nothing worse than a womans scorn...and I am off to the worlds biggest mall next weekend, with both of my visa's in hand. I don't particularly enjoy shopping (I hate it for the most part) but revenge shopping is something I will revel in.....[insert evil laugh here].

door mats

They come in all shapes and sizes...mine is a nice one, I think. It is many different colors, all with different shapes for each color. It is used for decoration, dirty shoes, and to show people who come here that we are "fun loving" people. I used to have one that said "no smoking" but it must have been lost in one of our many moves (or I finally threw it out, because there were so few people in my life who still had that disgusting habit).
Sometimes, door mats take the form of actual human beings. Ya, I said it. Being someone's door mat is no fun. It is not enjoyable to be walked on, or taken for granted. It hurts to be forgotten about, or looked over. It doesn't feel well to be left out by people (any people). I have some experience in this, and let me tell you, it is a horrible, heart-wrenching feeling. I struggle to understand why it happens so often, and so blatantly. But I never seem to find the answer. Of course, I blame myself, figuring I have some huge flaw that I am completely oblivious to. But when asked to pinpoint such a flaw, I wouldn't be able to find one. I don't think I am a particularly heinous person to be around, and I do consider myself a good friend. So I ask you...why? Why is this such a frequent feeling for me to have to bear? I don't know the answer.
My husband is frequently on the floor right along side me. And although it is nice to have the company, it still makes no sense to me. Perhaps we bring it upon ourselves...what with our kind and compassionate nature, our never-ending attempts to help people, our hospitality and warmth....I can see why it would be easy to take advantage of such people.
While listening to a radio show today, they talked about this very thing (probably what sparked all of these thoughts and wonderings) And they said that if you are overly kind, some people just find it easier to take advantage of you. That is the most absurd thing I have ever heard! And yet, sadly, it is fairly accurate. How sad is that? How sad is it that we can be so polite and apologize for being in some strangers way in the supermarket, but take for granted a good friend? I see no logic.
So, leave the door mats on the ground for your dirty feet, and hold your friends where they truly deserve to be....in your heart.