roasty toasty

When it is all cold and nasty outside, sometimes it is nice to go and lay in a warm tanning bed, and pretend you are in a far off tropical place. I did such a thing last night, as the snow and wind blew outside. I slathered myself with my mango-tangerine lotion and layed down in the bed. This bed, in particular, is freaking cool. It has a jack for your i-pod and plays through speakers in the bed, so you don't have to fight with your earphones. It also has an option that will spritz your body and face with water every minute. It also has aromatherapy that will shoot out some nice smelling stuff every other minute. Pair that with the kick-ass air conditioner in that thing, and it is the world's coolest tanning bed!!
I layed there last night, relishing the peace and quiet, as the music from my beloved i-pod played. I must have fallen asleep, because my 9 minutes seemed to fly by!
I should mention, though, that I decided to rid myself of my pesky tan lines, last night. I got sick of seeing my white ass peeking out from the waist of my pants. So last night was day 1 in the "no more white ass" execution.
I know from past experience, that this is rarely a good idea...but when you get a plan in your head, it's hard to talk yourself out of it! I certainly wish I had listened to myself last night when I thought "wow, I am gonna have a freaking burnt ass tomorrow!!!" And you know what? That's exactly what I got! My husband jokingly asked me to get out of bed last night...he said that my butt was radiating so much heat, it was causing him to sweat. What a turd.
So today I sit here all roasty and toasty, as my flaming red ass is keeping me quite warm. Let the wind and snow blow outside, I have a radiator butt!! And, now I don't have a white ass peeking from beneath my jeans....though now I don't really remember why that was such a bad thing!!!!