alone at night...

I don't mind when my husband is away overnight. I get the whole big king bed to myself, I can watch whatever I want, and for the hours between when the boys go to bed, and I go to bed, I can be completely quiet and not have to speak! (which is a nice change from always having to talk to the boys all day long). Last night was supposed to be one of those nice nights....and it just really really wasn't. My parents came to take my oldest to his soccer game, which meant that just me and my youngest would be here. We played cars, he watched some cartoons, and then off to bed. I had a few minutes of peace and quiet, and then the phone rang. It was a call from the past which I tried to block from my mind, but it weaseled its way in there, and screwed up my whole night. Not having anyone to talk to really made it hard for me to ignore, also. I watched a movie, had my supper, tried to chill out.... My parents brought my son back, and I put him right to bed. Again, I had some quiet time....until my husband decided to call and talk about my horrible day/night. Well, all the efforts I had made to remain calm were then out the window. I kinda lost it on him, I'm not going to lie. I talked, I cried, and I tried to refrain from yelling, as both of the boys were sleeping. It was a rough night, I'm telling you right now. So I finally crawled into bed, watched some Back to the Future, and then realized that I forgot my bedtime routine with the boys. So I went into my youngests room, changed him into his goodnight and tucked him in. I was not expecting him to sit up and ask me for some water....but he did!!! So I got him some water, and prayed to everything that he would go back to sleep (as it was 1230am at that point) Then I went into my oldests room, turned off his tv and crept out. Not even 5 minutes later, he was crying and yelling in the bathroom...so I ran in there to check on him, asked him if he had an accident, and he said no. So apparently it was just a crying sort of night (granted, I didn't do it while standing naked in front of the toilet...but to each his own) I finally got him tucked back in, and I got back into bed. I turned off my favorite movie, got snuggled into my awesome bed, and then my idiotic cat started howling! What the hell was wrong with her, I will never know. But she proceeded to sit at the end of my bed and squawk all night.... Luckily, I was so exhausted from my sh*t-ridden day, that I sort of just drifted into a sleep coma.
And so as I sit here today, exhausted, disheveled and puffy, I just hope and pray that today/tonight goes better...because many more of those nights, and my husband will have some serious hell to pay. He was off with his friends laughing, having fun and enjoying their Friday night, as I sit here in my own personal hell. All I can say is, please, please, I hope that while I am away next weekend, he gets a little peek into my "alone at night" world....cuz there is room for two, and I am sick of being the only one there!!!!