Friday, February 29, 2008

smiles and giggles

I was in a very happy, and odd, mood today. And I believe that a few of my friends were, also! I have a few people that I talk to on a daily basis - whether it be via IM or facebook. I have to admit, I look forward to our chats everyday, and can't wait to see what kind of nonsense we can stir up each day! Today was such a nonsense day....
We talked about some of the most insane junk, it made me laugh out loud. Now, you know you are having a good conversation, and having a good time, when you laugh out loud, alone, in your kitchen!! I am sure I look like a mental patient, but I'm having a good time, so who cares!!!
I enjoy sharing things about me that people may not know. It is what makes me who I am, and I want my friends to know all of the nitty-gritty. One of my friends got a bit of TMI today - but I got some back, so it's all good! We shared everything from battle-wound stories, to the color of our underwear (which, coincidentally was the same color...) It's nice to share, and have a good laugh.
I laughed A LOT today. I kind of feel like a crazy person...but it's nice. I am really close to the person I used to be, and the person I have been searching for. Who knows, maybe this is a turning point for me. Let's hope so!! I'd really rather prefer to smile and giggle....who wouldn't!
I won't share what was said today that made me laugh out loud; you'll just have to use your imagination. And besides, some things are best left in the privacy of your kitchen. Just you, your laptop and a few good friends :)

Monday, February 25, 2008

the bonds of womanhood

I received an email today. It is one that I have received many times before, but it never ceases to make me giggle. So in the interest in sharing a giggle, I am going to post it here for you :)

This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor
and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the
first paragraph. PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best web
mail-award-winning letter.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I
appreciate many of their features. Why, without the Leak Guard Core or
Dry-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing,
and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white
shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos
on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi
pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month
knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the
curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right
now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my
body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed
into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.
Isn't the human body amazing? As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene
Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens
during your customers monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know
about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense
mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's
a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought
the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill
just because he told her he
thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy! The point is, sir,
you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal
maniacs in Capri pants.. Which brings me to the reason for my letter.

Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside
my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed
on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.' Are you
fu*ing kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager
brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness is possible
during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit
pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M
freak girl, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have
to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just
so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and
a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory. For the love of God, pull
your head out, man! If you just have to Slap a moronic message on a maxi pad,
wouldn't it make more sense to say
something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular
Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there
will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad
business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will
not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bull sh*t. And that's a
promise I will keep. Always.


Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX

Well, there you have it. I couldn't have said it better myself. A friend of mine sent this to me last year, with the heading "I read this, and thought of you. It sounded like something you would have said". And, that made me smile! To think that my style of writing and my sense of humor is that recognizable, is flattering!

But it's not just that that makes me giggle with this. It makes me realize that I am not alone. That every month when I am writhing in uncomfort, cursing my ovaries, and loathing the fact that I lack a penis; that I am in good company. We may not be comfortable, but we have the solice in knowing that I am not the only one suffering through this. Nor will I be the last. I know that I am not the only one who would like to weild a shovel and attack all those who never experience this (such as the brilliant mind behind the "have a happy period" comment...what kind of sick, sadistic, freak could ever even think that is remotely close to possible!??!!?) I admit, I am lucky enough to not really suffer through pms. I don't get cramps or get moody. I occasionally get a slightly oily face, and I crave chocolate like there's no tomorrow! But otherwise it just sort of sneaks up on me. That isn't saying that I don't despise this time of the month. Who can enjoy having "all of that" going on "down there"?
There are a few moments in life where you are lucky enough to escape the monthly visitor. I experienced such bliss while I was pregnant. I had a whole new slew of jolly good bodily functions to deal with, but I was free of "aunt flo" for a few splendid months! But don't get too used to it, ladies....for it comes back, and it's been on break for a few months, and it comes back with a VENGEANCE! And then there is "the change" that we all will go through later in life. And those women may be free of "aunt flo", but they have a whole new battle to fight. And they don't come equipped with the little F-16's in their pants to help them fight!
So ladies, though it may suck to high heaven, take solice in knowing that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. At any given moment, we have our very own army of women who are suffering just as much as we are, and fed up with the visitor who is never invited, and always overstays it's welcome. Take solice in knowing that if you ever need an army of shovel weilding maniacs, look no further than your local maxi-pad/tampon aisle. Because there you will find women who share tight bonds of womanhood, women who are temporarily insane, women who are armed and ready to go out in a blaze of glory...women who are ready to singlehandedly take down the insensitive asshole who penned the "have a happy period" crock of sh*t tagline.
So there you are not alone.

Saturday, February 23, 2008

my, how times have changed.

I've been in awe lately, of how big my oldest son is getting. I can not believe that he will be 5 years old in 2 short weeks. It is amazing to me that 5 year has already passed since I was big, pregnant and uncomfortable. 5 years ago I was living in a small 2 bedroom apartment...just me and Tom (on the 4th a walk-up, I should point out!). We were excited to have a baby and start our family, but so terrified all at the same time. And now, that little baby that scared us out of our minds is about to turn 5! He will be starting kindergarten in the fall. I am boggled, and almost sad. Sad that this is the last summer we get him all to ourselves. Sad that he will no longer be my baby. Sad that he will not be here every day to make me smile and play with his brother. Sad that, once again, things are changing. But I am happy, because he is a great little boy, and I know he will continue to grow and blossom into his own little person.
And no matter what happens, I will always, and forever, be his Mommy. The same Mommy who bawled when the doctor laid him on my chest when he was born. The same Mommy who cried the day he learned to crawl. The same Mommy who cried when he took his first steps. The same Mommy who got teary when I dropped him off for his first day at playschool. And he will always, and forever, be my baby. My first baby. My only blonde haired, blue eyed, wonderful baby.
Things certainly are different from 5 years ago. I may look and act pretty much the same, but I am not that 22 year old anymore. I have more confidence in myself as a Mother. I have less fear and worry, and yet strangely I have the same amount (if you are a Mom, you will know what I mean). I have not one, but two, wonderful, beautiful, healthy and hilarious little boys. My marriage with Tom is as strong as ever, and we continue to grow and learn together. And yet whenever I look at those two boys, I can remember, in detail, the day I found out I was pregnant with both of them, the long journey through the 9 months of pregnancy, the moments leading up to their births, the feelings and emotions, the trials and tribulations that followed, and all of the wonderful things since.
I can't believe how much things have changed. My boys are their own little people, both with their very own unique personality. I love and adore them, and can't wait to see what they become. But I am still amazed at how fast time has gone by.
So cherish every day. Because one day it will be you, watching your first baby taking his first steps, sleeping in his very first big boy bed, walking away from you and into school for the first time....and you will be the one welling up with tears in your eyes, remembering the way he smelled and felt as a baby, and wishing that just for one split second, everything could be as it was....but really excited for the future. Time goes by so quickly. They change so fast. But in my heart, my boys will always be the same tiny little bundles I brought home from the hospital - so small and fragile....and all of my heart.

Friday, February 22, 2008

the miracle of life

I have been pondering the whole process of life, lately. I know 3 people who are having babies this year, so I figured why not share!
The first friend was due on Valentines Day. It is their first baby, and she is so excited (and they will be awesome parents)! I was 10 days late with my youngest, so I know exactly what boat she is in right now (it will end, Erin...I promise!!!) I've been trying to remind her to cherish the last few moments she will have alone with her husband. To remember how it is to sleep through the night, and not have that constant fear for the life of your child. She is getting induced on Monday (assuming the little one doesn't make his/her appearance this weekend), and I wish her and her wonderful husband all the best in the world!!
The second friend is due in May. I've known her since their first baby was born - they are now onto their third. These people are all heart (and possibly a tad crazy) and they want to have six kids! Ya....I said six. I have two kids, and sometimes it feels like two too many! But I say all the power to them. If six is how many they want, then I hope they get all that their hearts desire :)
The third friend is due the beginning of June. It's kind of funny - her wedding anniversary is the day after mine, and her due date is the day (or 2 days) after my youngest was born! She is a wonderful girl, and I know that her baby will be soooo loved. This will be their first baby, and they are stoked! A friend and I went out to buy her some baby stuff on Sunday, and it made me giddy. I loved shopping for baby clothes and accessories. They are all so small and cute.
Babies are wonderful, but they change EVERYTHING. And it is crazy and hectic and stressful and scary.....but it is wonderful and amazing and unexplainable when you hold your baby in your arms, and know that it is yours, forever. It is unreal to know that this little thing will be in your life now, for all time. That nothing will ever be the same again. That you will never look at the world the same way again. To know that your outlook on everything is now altered. To know that your relationship with your spouse will never be the same. That you will discover a new and interesting way to sleep enough in 2 hours to get you through the day. To discover that you will now spend more money on your childs clothes than on your own, and they are small enough to just barely cover your foot. And to know that all of this happened due to a small little thing that would fit into a dresser drawer. It is a surreal feeling.
For the first 2-4 months that we had our oldest, I said on a daily basis "I can't believe he's mine. I feel like I am merely babysitting!" It was a crazy feeling, and I can't describe it. I was so flooded with joy and pride, yet I felt that I was just watching him.
My sons are the pride and joy of my life. I live for those two little boys. They may drive me to my wits end regularly, and make me feel like an insane asylum escapee.... but they are wonderful in a way that noone else will ever be to me. They bring me feelings that noone else will ever give me. I can be having the worst possible day, and those two can make me smile faster than anyone else ever could. They are my absolute everything. And I can't wait for my friends to experience this same feeling. I have wonderful friends, and I can't wait for them to all be filled with this euphoric feeling, this feeling that will bring laughter and tears, this feeling that will bring joy and fear, this feeling that will never go away.
Babies - nothing will ever be the same, ever again.

Friday, February 15, 2008


The sun is shining, today. The sky is blue, and the snow is melting all around me. And yet I feel sad. I do not deal with death very well. Even if I don't know the person who is passed, I am still affected.
I've been affected twice this week. On Monday, someone I went to school with was lost in a fatal car crash. We hadn't spoken since high school, but it is still weird to think of them missing from the world.
And yesterday I was informed that a good friend lost a member of her family. My heart is really going out to her at this time, but I am usually at a loss for words when this tragedy strikes.
I never know how to behave after a loss like this. I never know what to say. And it always affects me and my thoughts. Like I said, I may not know them, but it makes me sad.
I will not dwell on death. I only let it in to affect me, when it has affected someone that I know, and care for.
I just don't know what to say; don't know what to do. I just pray that I can be there for whoever needs it, and share with them some of this sunshine.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

valentines day

I know there are some girls who say that valentines day is ridiculous, in trying to seem like the "cool girlfriend/wife", but secretly they want all the hollaballoo. I am not such a girl. I honestly, and whole heartedly, believe that this day is a manufactured fabrication thought up by rich people who don't really need to make more money, but they want to, designed to help those in the world who need vindication or assistance in getting a date, getting laid, getting forgivness, getting a free pass, etc. It is over-commercialized and unneccessary, and yet people fall prey to its clutches each and every year.
I told my husband, years ago, that I would punch him if he ever bought me flowers or chocolate on valentines day. The prices are inflated, and it just seems so cliche. I would like to know he loves me, and thought of doing something nice for me. I want to know he did it because he loves me, not because it was expected of him because way back in some far off land, someone decided that February 14th was a good day to make people world-wide buy crap for one another.
I am not saying that I will look down on anyone for celebrating this day. To each his own. Nor will I poke fun at anyone who believes in the sanctity of this day. I merely don't believe in it, or what it stands for. People should know you love them, and they love you, every day of the year.
If people need a certain day to spoil their loved ones, and show them they care, then fine. But for me, my husband coming home with a nice bouquet of flowers, just because, is far sweeter than doing it because it's valentines day.
But that's just my opinion.......

Sunday, February 10, 2008

freezing temps, food and foul movies

It has been less than pleasant outside, lately. We got another chilly week, compounded with even more snow. NOT FUN! I also was blessed with my childrens cold, which has made the freezing air all the more awesome on my poor lungs. I hear it is supposed to be warmer by Friday; so let's all cross our fingers, cuz I am sooo over this weather! I said to my husband yesterday, as we just finished running through a parking lot, kids in tow, at a frigid -40something (with the windchill), "this is as close to hell on earth that we will ever get". And I think I was fairly accurate!
I had to go grocery shopping on Friday, and my poor kids had to come. It was freezing out that day, also, which made for a really gross trip to Safeway. I got to hang out with a friend while we were there, though, so that was a bonus! I've started this fat flush detox thing, which has brought upon a whole new perspective of food. Like what a pain in the ass shopping is, cooking is, cleaning is....etc. Jenny Craig was just sooo much simpler! (but probably not as good for my insides as all of these veggies are!) So I will suffer through the numerous trips to Safeway, the preparation and cleaning after all of the meals I have to make, because it just might give me a hot ass (and not because I burnt it in the tanning bed, again!).
I watched some movies this week- some good, some bad. I really enjoyed The Jane Austen Book Club. I also watched The Brave One with my husband....not so much....Shooting people in the eye is just not my cup of tea. A friend of mine suggested Blonde Ambition....Jessica Simpson is in that movie, so I was weary of it (as she is not the most amazing actor) but she said it was cute. So I watched it...all I can say is, I am glad it was a free rental! (and I am really glad you enjoyed it, Erin!!!)
So that's been my life lately....freezing my burnt ass off, while making all of my detox meals, while watching what hopefully is not a foul movie! But I guess you just don't know until you try.....

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

roasty toasty

When it is all cold and nasty outside, sometimes it is nice to go and lay in a warm tanning bed, and pretend you are in a far off tropical place. I did such a thing last night, as the snow and wind blew outside. I slathered myself with my mango-tangerine lotion and layed down in the bed. This bed, in particular, is freaking cool. It has a jack for your i-pod and plays through speakers in the bed, so you don't have to fight with your earphones. It also has an option that will spritz your body and face with water every minute. It also has aromatherapy that will shoot out some nice smelling stuff every other minute. Pair that with the kick-ass air conditioner in that thing, and it is the world's coolest tanning bed!!
I layed there last night, relishing the peace and quiet, as the music from my beloved i-pod played. I must have fallen asleep, because my 9 minutes seemed to fly by!
I should mention, though, that I decided to rid myself of my pesky tan lines, last night. I got sick of seeing my white ass peeking out from the waist of my pants. So last night was day 1 in the "no more white ass" execution.
I know from past experience, that this is rarely a good idea...but when you get a plan in your head, it's hard to talk yourself out of it! I certainly wish I had listened to myself last night when I thought "wow, I am gonna have a freaking burnt ass tomorrow!!!" And you know what? That's exactly what I got! My husband jokingly asked me to get out of bed last night...he said that my butt was radiating so much heat, it was causing him to sweat. What a turd.
So today I sit here all roasty and toasty, as my flaming red ass is keeping me quite warm. Let the wind and snow blow outside, I have a radiator butt!! And, now I don't have a white ass peeking from beneath my jeans....though now I don't really remember why that was such a bad thing!!!!

Monday, February 4, 2008

best friends, buttheads and bronchitis

This was my weekend with my bestest, and I was so very excited about it! I looked forward to this for so so long. Everything was fine when I left on Friday afternoon, but when I spoke with my husband that night, I heard a crazy noise in the background. I asked what it was, and was informed that it was my baby, Jesse, who had something that sounded like croup. AH! It was 11pm at that point, and I was all ready to come home. It's my baby!! But my husband assured me that he could handle it, and insisted I stayed where I was. I made a point to text or call him very frequently all weekend, just to make sure that everything was taken care of, and everyone is still alive.
I had a great time with my bestest! We went for a run, went for lunch, went shopping, saw an old friend, had dinner and then went to see "PS. I Love You". It was SOOOOOOOOO good!!! My husband was kind of upset with my after that, though, as I didn't call when he thought I should have. See, he didn't think the movie would be longer than an hour and a half or two hours. However....this was one long ass movie! And I have to admit, I get a little upset when he doesn't call me, and I know the roads are bad. So I can understand his logic, but I mean come on! It was a little unnecessary and embarrassing to have that convo in front of my best friend! I did the best I could that weekend, and it still didn't seem good enough. BUTTHEAD!!! Oh well...things are fine now. I said my peace, amen!
My kids are still both hacking like little baby seals, and I am pretty sure that they are close to bronchitis sounding. I just hope they get better soon.
All in all, it was a pretty good weekend! I would love to do this on a frequent basis, but only if my husband will promise to unclench, and my kids will promise to remain healthy!!! Ya right...and the chances of that are??????